Posted 20 hours ago

Kylie Minogue Rose Wine, 75cl

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Oh, here we go, another celebrity with a vanity alcohol brand. Is this a vanity alcohol brand, though, or is it the nation’s favourite alcohol brand?

And who are Kylie’s celeb competitors in this arena? Graham Norton has a prosecco. So do the Delevingne sisters. And Amy Childs, who used to be on The Only Way is Essex.

Again, why? Well, there are three possible reasons for this. The first is that it’s actually good. And, who knows, it might be. After all, Decanter has called it “lively, fresh and a little fruitier on the palate”. Did you say there was a third reason? Oh, yes. It’s that wine is difficult, people are stupid and sometimes it’s just easier to buy a bottle of something if it’s got a pop star’s name on it. But I suppose you can’t argue with success. Of course not. It also helps that this is the most perfect brand extension ever. Kylie is light and fun and bubbly, just like her wine. What could possibly be more fun than buying a bottle of Kylie Minogue fizz on a night out? What’s the second reason? The second reason is that Kylie seems to take winemaking seriously. The prosecco is one of nine wines she sells, with the others including a “plush and juicy” merlot, a “layered and creamy” chardonnay and an organic brut reserva cava with “pronounced biscuity flavours”. I wonder how traditional winemakers feel about this. Probably the same as traditional children’s authors when celebrities started churning out books as an additional revenue stream (Kylie published The Showgirl Princess in 2006), or fragrance houses when celebrities did the same with scent (Darling by Kylie Minogue was released in 2007).

Christ, why? Because these people are celebrities, that’s why. They live to serve the public. And sometimes that means bottling their very essence for the enjoyment of the greater world. Do say: “Kylie’s prosecco is best enjoyed with lightly spiced Asian food, such as satays, Balinese curries or pad thai noodles.” Staying in alone and meticulously researching different wines on the internet until you have achieved a reasonable level of proficiency? Sure, or that.

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